Faiz. 22. A homosexual. Used to be an introvert, but now slowly becoming an ambivert.

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Salam. Salam Aidiladha. Yes, everyone's busy with their 'daging korban' and stuff, wearing baju melayu/baju kurung. And then there's me, laying on the bed lazily, shirtless and short pants, dengan tidak mandinya lagi, such a terrible person I am.

I don't know, seriously, I don't feel any raya vibe mehhh there's no more raya vibe to me anyway whatevs. But one thing is, I'm glad that it's holly molly holiday time plus mid semester break! So, I can chill for a week then back to UM and bish it's mid sem exam. WOT?! Nahhh I'll study later, when I'm in a good mood and not emo and shit.

So yeah imma post and tell ya a 'lil bit story about the progress of Fifth Semester in Universiti Malaya, which is the second last semester. I supposed to post this two days ago but I wasn't in a good mood so umm yeah here we go! Fifth Semester is kinda rough to me 'cause... okay let me tell ya, I'm a fucking senior now, not only to the junior of Diploma students, but also to the new members of Karya Kurshiah Dancer. I mean it's no big deal being a senior, but what bothers me (a lot, REALLY) is being a senior to the dancers. All my seniors (well not all, but some) yang atas me tu semua dah leave UM 'cause their time is up and they need to graduate. So there's only ONE senior left and he's on his last semester. I don't have trouble with senior perempuan, but senior lelaki, yes. I REALLY NEED THEM.

I was totally shocked when, Kak Nisa, my senior told me, "Faiz, nanti tolong ajar budak junior menari eh, Faiz dah senior sekarang.".
I was like whoaaaa hold on, whoa whoa wait what?!! WHADDAHAYL?! WHADDAEVENHECK?! I mean, bish I'm still a new dancer to KKD and now I have to teach the juniors? I, I don't think I am ready for disshit. Nuh uh, not at all. So, there you go, panic attack hit me like a big blue bus bam just like that and bam all this anxiety came to me. I was so afraid (still) if I can't teach them, if I flop semua omg ahhhhhh I need help. The other day, we were recruiting the new dancers. So, we kinda held a small gathering/meeting with the new dancers and tell them a little bit about Karya Kurshiah Dancer, then Feseni and some types of tarian semua. They seem interested, the amount of boys who came was also kinda okay lah. Yes, I had trouble talking to the boys 'cause you know I'm an awkward little duck. Okay after the meeting is done I was like pheww it's coming, the training session is coming omg what am I supposed to do? I still lack the dancing skills, how am I supposed to teach them. And, the most scary thing is, I AM THE ONLY SENIOR LELAKI yang akan join Feseni 2015. Yang lain semua junior, omagahhh I am so nervous as I don't know what's gonna happen. Will us be okay omg!!! Now, all those responsibilities fell on me, I am now a senior, I needa get muh shit togetha! Phew, I gotta try my best spread the ARTPOP vibe not ARTFLOP.

Other than that, yes that lonely feeling came back. Idk, it feels like berseorangan di UM. Pergi kelas, balik kelas, dalam bilik, seorang. Tak ada geng. I don't know how to make friends lah, I don't even know how I make friends last year. Kenapa this year macam susah sangat? I can be awkward sometimes but HEY once I am comfortable with you, I can be loud and annoying as fewk. Apa lagi eh... ah yes, this semester I feel lembik. Like I supposed to study hard kot, but bila buat assignment semua rasa lembik. I don't know why, but it feels like masa Form 5 dulu where I have that 'idgaf mood about studying' and feel so meh-meh. I need to stand up and start studying after this. Haih all I can do now is to stop being so pessimistic.

Alright mom's calling, gotta eat. Bye y'all.