Faiz. 22. A homosexual. Used to be an introvert, but now slowly becoming an ambivert.


This post is gonna be one of my personal posts. Seriously. It's about my thoughts on relationship. Not that I'm not interested to be in a relationship, it's just I'm kinda interested but at the same time I feel like relationship is just a bullshit. Or maybe it's just because I've never had the opportunity to, umm actually know and understand what relationship is all about. To feel, to be involved in it.

In my whole life, I've never involved in any real, genuine relationship so... that just proves how pathetic and loser I am. Idk, like, pfff I'm about to turn 20 and I don't even know how and what relationship is supposed to be about. Seeing all those couples' pictures/tweets on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, makes me wonder... how does it feels like to be in a relationship? It got me wondered so deep like, what should I do as a boyfriend? What should I do to keep my partner stay in love with me? Loyalty, will my partner stay loyal to me? Is my partner gonna cheat on me? What should I do if I got cheated on? And many more...

Sure it does feels kinda lonely sometimes when you're not in a relationship but... umm idk it's just I don't think I'm gonna do well in a relationship like I'm soooo gonna be the worst boyfriend ever you could imagine. But umm yeah, I'm not like the other guys who feels like omg I've been single for years I need to be in a relationship now or I'll be single for life woops better start searching now. Nope, I kinda prefer to wait. I know I sound like a loser, but umm yeah I'd rather just wait and see what's gonna happen to me, I'm not the kind of guy who do the first move though. Simply put, I considered myself as an errr observer? Wallflower? Idk... but yeah the good thing is I'm free and I can do whatever I want without having to worry about controlling/be controlled by my partner.

Yeah, whatever, it's just my 4AM thoughts. xx

givn awp.

i'm done hoping. trying.
honestly, i'm so done with my life.
life is just too painful.
what's the point of living anymore?


2014's coming to an end.

Oh hello!
2014 is coming to the end. Do I look like I'm ready to be 20 (unofficially) and say goodbye to my teenage era? No. Am I ready to be a young adult? HELL FOKKING NO. Also, I really need to renew my IC, it's been 7 years man pffft AAND get my driving license 'cuz gurl even dak umo tujoblas pun dah pandai bawak kete k0 ni tak malu ke???

Okay, let me just give ya a 'lil bit catch up of myself. I'm currently taking a break from studying Negotiation Skills subject. Yes, final exam of the Fifth Semester starts on 30th December and I'm sooooo not ready for it. It's the second last semester! Eeeekkkk, I'm almost done with my Diploma in UM.

Oh I've quit from joining the Feseni for my college. Yup, no moahhhh dancing. Due to the stress of focusing whether on dancing or studying, I've came up with the decision to just, quit. So, I won't be joining any college activities anymore.

"What a lifeless student you are!"
I know... pretty pathetic isn't it? But mehhh dah nak habis belajar dah pun, tak lama dah nak berambus drpd sini so takpe lah. But the pros is, I can focus more on my study! Takde lah stress tak hafal step ke menari tak betul ke apa, at least my stress tu jadi stress on study je. Well ada je stress pasal benda lain but pls i'm sick of stress over my terrible dancing skills and the need to catch up or I'll fucked up on the stage.

College? Hmm I'm still considering whether to quit college or nah. Reason? The fee. Yes, it's really expensive and I kinda feel bad lah to my parents. So, quitting college is still dalam umm apa orang kata, still tengah decide lagi lah. Kena consider jugak, facilities dalam UM (for doing assignment especially) is sooooo much better drpd kat rumah for example, printing/photocopy. Yeah nak print report, slide semua murah kat sini. B&W 10¢ per page so that's really cheap lah rather than kat area rumah ni dalam berapa sen tah per page, mahal lah drpd UM. Kena decide betul betul lah whether to stay or nah. To stay, or to quit, that is the question.

So umm yeah 2014 will end in 6 days. Nothing much happened during this year. It was just another normal year for me, I didn't set any resolution this year. I don't think I achieved anything much. I just hope that 2015 will be a better year for me (IT BETTER BE!).

Arrite that's all. xx

UPDATE (15/03/15): My friends persuaded me to join Feseni back and yeah I did but I only join Tarian Tradisional, and I'll be performing/competing in 4th April which is around two weeks from now I know right WTF I'm so scared but I want all of this to end cepat so um yeah ok.